Wife turned off by husband’s 40-lb. weight gain

Dear Abby: I am in my late thirties and have been married for seven years. My husband and I have two young children, a nice house, good jobs, etc. But in recent years I have lost my attraction to him.

I’m not superficial, but he’s put on over 40 pounds since we met, and he refuses to eat healthy or exercise. He watched me spend countless hours exercising to lose all my baby weight. We are rarely intimate anymore, and when we are, I do it out of obligation.

I know these things happen, but he seems to be happy. I think if I told him I wanted to leave, he would be knocked out. Divorced friends of mine who have young children have advised me against it, saying that my children’s happiness must come before mine. Others say that if I’m not happy, the kids won’t be happy. I can live this life for them, but I feel like I’m too young to cheat myself out of some of my best years. Am I selfish or smart?

— Important topic in New York

Dear Weighty Topic: Before your marriage deteriorates further, have a candid conversation with your husband. He seems to be happy because he doesn’t know what’s going on in your head. For reasons beyond the appeal of animals — including the well-being of his children — he needs to make some lifestyle changes and get to grips with his health. I hope that when you get the message across to him, he will be receptive. If not, try marriage counseling before consulting a lawyer.

Dear Abby: I am in my early 40s. A few months ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I keep reading that the five year survival rate is only 28%, and I am concerned that despite treatment (hormone therapy injections) I will , don’t have many years left. The cancer has also been found in my spine and pelvis. I am a religious person, so I am not afraid of death. I’m just worried about leaving my daughter behind with friends and family.

My question is: do I have to make a will? I live in an apartment and don’t have many possessions except some savings. I plan to start a trust so that my daughter will receive that money at the right time. I’ve never had a reason for a will in the past. I don’t know what kind of things go into a will. I also have a 2 year old cat and now I’m afraid he will outlive me. I don’t want him to have to go back to the Humane Society when I transfer. He is like a child to me and I only want the best for him.

— Making plans for the future

Making Best Plans: Because you have financial assets, a daughter and a beloved pet that you want to take care of in the event of your death, it is important that you consult a lawyer NOW about ANY end-of-life documents you must have. You may decide that you need more guidelines than just a will, giving you peace of mind and having your wishes carried out.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.

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